Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Modes

Automatic thoughts that may lead to destructive response:

Arguing

-There’s no way I am backing down

-I don’t get it/you; I’m obviously right

Belittling

-I’m going to make you look like a fool

-I’m going to show you that your idea doesn’t matter

Caving In

-I don’t want to upset anyone

-Putting up a fight just isn’t worth it

Defensiveness

-I shouldn’t be blamed for this

-This isn’t my fault

Dismissing others’ opinions

-Nothing that anyone says will change my mind

-There’s really no other way to think about this

Becoming overly dramatic

-Everyone hates me!

-This situation is awful/hopeless

Exaggerating the problem

-I need to get your attention

-This needs to sound as bad as it feels

Exclusions/leaving people out

-Maybe you’ll get the message if I don’t invite you

-Leaving you out will prove that everyone’s on my side

Finger-pointing Blaming/scapegoating

-I shouldn’t get in trouble for this…it’s all their fault

-This is because of you not me

Gossiping/complaining about someone

I’m going to tell everyone what so-and-so did to me

I probably should say anything, but they deserve it

Becoming hypercritical

-I need to knock you down a peg or two

-I need to look like the smartest one here

Overpowering

-I won’t quit until I win/I don’t care what it takes/costs

-I’ll use my intimidation to get my way

Passive Aggression

-I’m going to make my point without looking like the bad guy

-I don’t want to talk about it, but can’t act like nothing happened

Revenge/looking to even the score

-I need to get even

-You’re going to regret what you did to me

Sabotage/Introducing obstacles

-You should be punished for what you did to me

-I have to regain the upper hand

Sarcasm

-That idea is obviously ridiculous

-Why would anyone say something so stupid?

Stonewalling/becoming non-receptive

-You don’t get to know what I am feeling

I’m not responding to this

Withdrawing

-This needs to end as soon as possible

-I’m just going to stay quiet until this thing is over.